Step 1: Don’t listen when she says she absolutely, positively, does not want a baby shower. She actually does and is totally lying.
Step 2: Have a very sensitive and thoughtful co-worker physically hear her tell someone on the phone that she wants a baby shower but is pretending not to. Have said co-worker offer up her fabulous apartment as a venue.
Step 3: Start a Facebook e-mail chain among her closet friends figuring out how to trick said pregnant friend into thinking she should travel into city on the weekend. Enlist her husband. Enlist everyone, really.
Step 4: Plan to have all of the things “her baby” craves served as food at the wedding. This mostly includes chicken McNuggets from McDonalds and macaroni and cheese. Think of hilarious ways to package these foods to make you feel less guilty for eating them by the pound.
Step 5: Whatever you do, try not to forget this is a surprise. That means no mentioning it at work. And no mentioning it at dinner. For a month. This will be the hardest part. Because you are loud and want to tell everyone, everything, all of the time.
Step 6: Assemble early! Pray your friend is late. When she is actually perfectly on time, marvel at her efficiency.
Step 7: Surprise her! Yay! Somehow you did it. Miracles DO happen.
Step 8: Eat the McNuggets and mac and cheese. This will be the easiest part!
Step 9: Open presents! Tell everyone the absolutely hilarious story of how you two became friends, which includes the key detail of your now-pregnant friend letting you borrow her underwear when you two were no more than acquaintances.
Step 10: Pat yourselves on the back. Ten of you kept a secret in the age of social media!
Please note all the AMAZING photos are compliments of the insanely talented Jessica Inglis. Find her blog at zenjess.tumblr.com. If you want her contact information for parties or your own needs, contact Erin or me!